I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
