Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
