I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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