I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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