And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
whose parrot is this?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
