Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
