so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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