Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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