dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
