I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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