i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
