Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
