Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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