Your mouth is God's brothel.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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