Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
