Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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