FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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