I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
