I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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