no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
