you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
