Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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