I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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