wakey wakey hands off snakey
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
