Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
