i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How's work?
Spinning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Never joke about your clitoris.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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