why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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