Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
