Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
