yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
