I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
