I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
