whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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