I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
