my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
