so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
