Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
