How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So much Jack, so little girl.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
