Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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