I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
