so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
