I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
