this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
