So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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