It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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