Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
