Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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