dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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