But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm at about main and main street
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
