Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
