you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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